When natural resources and Goodluck Jonathan are fucking up, magic can always be another resort

With the recent event with the fuel subsidy horror going on in Nigeria, I contacted the magical ministry of communication (their headquarters is currently in Egypt.) and they have provided us with a couple of suggestions for our transport activities. All are completely magically powered, no fuel required.

Coming up on number one, is a popular transport item. It has been in use since the 1930's in Asia, but only became popular world wide in the 1990's.

Yes you guessed right, it is the Bujumbura all purpose flying carpet. It comes with baggage space and can support a family of seven. Known to go very high altitudes and in cold periods, just a brush to the side creates and invisible fore field protecting its passengers from rain, intense heat or even bird poop.
It's completely safe and comes highly recommended as the number ONE family friendly transport system.

Coming in at number two, is another popular transport system, popular in the western countries, England and Scotland especially.

Yeah you got it, it's the broomstick. Known to fly at staggering speeds. It is really not suitable for family travel but attaching it to a special carriage will solve that problem. This model is the CHIARUMBARUSCURO, with a flight speed of 250 miles per hour. There are other cheaper models which exist but which go at a much lesser speed and altitude.

We have the CHIARUSCURO BRAND BELOW, it is an earlier version.

We also have the CHIAMRUMBA, which has been fitted with a self:cushioning charm to avoid uncomfortable pains in the buttock region during long journeys.

A much cheaper model, is the CHIAMAKA edition

Another option is the VANISHING MONITOR SCREEN. It works in conjuction with facebook and skype.

It works very easily. Simply get a friend to upload the current picture of the location you want to visit or go to,  and then by dialling 566284264723665 on your Skype interface, say "I solemnly regret voting for him." and wait just two seconds. IT can be very dangerous if not used properly, a couple of beta users ended up in the 1920's and 70's. Some even got themselves involved in conspiracies and stuff. Parental guidance is adviced.

The next on the list is...

The Americans always like to copy everything, and in a bid to make it better than the original they spoil things a bit. The Vacuumpalingax 261 is very effective in terms of speed but, it packs a lot of dust and sand, and it is known to cause giddiness and an intense feeling of being sucked down a tube.

The final items are not highly recommended except for the truly brave and insightful. They are transport animals such as

Hippogriffs

You can find most of em in Benin but you have to be extemely cooked because they cannot be seen with the naked eyes and if by accident you see them, chances are that they are the last things you'll see. They fly faster than any means of transport, and will attack anyone that tries to touch their riders which comes in handy with air robbery and stuffs like that.

we also have unicorns...

They are pretty useless since they can only be tamed and touched by virgins so, a lot of people won't be able to use this holy animal.

To get deals on all these means of transport please call 1800- I-solemnly-regret-voting-for-him, and I can work something out. Happy new year to ya'll.