Things That Piss me Off #1

It pisses me off when girls wear short skirts out of their house, and then they start pulling it down uncomfortably so that they don’t feel too exposed. I just don’t get it, would it not have been better to wear baggy jeans or a robe or something.

It pisses me off when I’m going out, and I forget something back at home, and when I go back to get it, I forget what I forgot.

It pisses me off when I’m trying to voice my opinion when people are talking, and they just keep talking, and when I finally get the chance to speak, I forget what it was I wanted to say, or I’ve lost the mood.

It pisses me off when something epic happens, and just when you’re about to spread the good news first, someone else beats you to it, and you get mad, not because the person beat you to it, but because deep down you know you couldn’t have said it any better than the person did.

It pisses me off when people use the H-factor. I can understand in speech, but in writing, haba. What is HoluwaTosin Homorlola Hakindele? Please it eludes me. I thought it used to be considered razz, when did it become sexy to do that.

It pisses me off when a girl puts a status update like “oops! Winks.” And she has almost twenty something comments but when someone else posts something epic like “The difference between plantain and kpekere is in the packaging.” You get about just three or four likes, LIKES oh not even comments.

It pisses me off when Ajepacos try to act like ajebuttters. After forming with all the half-assed yankee or Britico accent, you still end up pronouncing have as ave or thousand as thouwsand with the first syllable stressed and the last letter silent.

It pisses me off when every Shola, Ifeanyi and Bolu uses gangster sign in their pictures, like they would last ten minutes in front of the mafia without wetting their pants, Nicur purlease.

It pisses me off when people just use slangs or catch phrases just because it’s popular, without even bothering to get the meaning. I mean what does #legoo have to do with I am watching vampire diaries, or #swag have to do with Thank you lord Jesus. Don’t even let me get started on Yessir! The effrontery behind it all is shocking.

It pisses me off when you’re listening to a song with a group of people then one of them starts to sing the song except he’s getting the lyrics all wrong. Like Kanye’s line  “You’re a bad girl and you’ve got a swag goo, you've got some friends and they trippin bad too.”  As opposed to, “You’re a bad girl and your friend’s bad too, we got the swag so she drippin' swag goo.” The worst part of it all is the swag with which he sings it.

It pisses me off when people try to feel among. Like this friend of mine who was feeling sad and down when he heard Steve Jobs had left the earth (may his soul rest in peace.) And I’m like dude, WTF the only thing you’ve got that has anything to do with APPLE, is the popular Nigerian hair cream, which by the way comes in different colors.

It pisses me off when people write HBD on your wall for your birthday. What the frack! so you could not take out ten seconds to write a proper birthday message and tell me how awesome I am, or better still, spell the damn thing out. H-A-P-P-Y B-I-R-T-H-D-A-Y.

As if HBD is not lazy and annoying enough, they go ahead and add LLNP. No are you shitting me right now! LLNP... I bet half the time the wall-owners have no idea what it means. LONG LIFE AND PROSPERITY.

It pisses me off when I read reviews on books, and I see heart rendering reviews on how a book changed their lives, and I see words like “unput-downable” “Roller coaster of a read. And then I buy the book and I can’t get through the first few pages without resisting the urge to stone the book across the room.

It pisses me off when I’m drinking a bottle of say, Coke, and then someone asks for a sip, and when (just because you’re a selfless God fearing and generous fellow) you offer them, they go ahead and stick their tongue and mouth on and into the bottle. What next huh, Frenching?

These are a couple of the things that I was able to gather from friends, and myself, there's more, but I know you stopped reading half-way.

Now let me go and read for my Ears Nose and Throat class tomorrow. I heard failing that class is not an option, the rework na die.